First Scan

I wanted to update everyone on things since I have not posted in a while. Overall I am feeling well. I have a lot of energy and strength back, although I wouldn't say I'm 100% yet. I have ran 3 miles

at 8:00 mile pace several times now, so I am happy about that. For a long time, that 3 miles was this glass ceiling that I couldn't seem to break. The problem was I never even tried. I was scared to try as the 3 miles was a goal to see where things were for me physically, and if i couldn't run it then that would mean I was not there physically and I was scared of that. One day I did it, and it was a lot easier than i thought it would be. The physical recovery has been going pretty well; however, this stupid cancer thing goes well beyond the physical.

I have my first scan at the end of the week, just two week shys of being diagnosed last year. I have a CT scan then a meeting with the Dr afterwards. For the kind of cancer I had, the CT scan is the best way to know what's going on. There are no blood test and marker levels to look for, its just if something pops on a scan. To say the least, it is a nerve wracking issue. Im scared, nervous, anxious, etc about the whole thing. I try not to give it much energy, but it is there. When it comes in, I acknowledge it and then let it go. It can be overwhelming at times.Especially  this week, it has been more nerve wracking than ususal. I hear these check up scans are supposed to get easier- I hope so. One inmportant thing I need to keep in mind though, is that the initial scan may be inconclusive. With all the scar tissue that occurred from the surgery and the drains, it may not show anything conclusive, and we wait and see what the next scan says. So it goes. 

I liked this quote from an article I read:

I think I will always be cautious, perhaps paranoid, of my future health. It's part of the baggage of surviving cancer, especially one with a high relapse rate. But I'm finally feeling strong enough to start living not just in spite of all that has happened, but because of all that has happened. I will be more than what happened to me this past year. Surviving cancer is not going to be my biggest accomplishment in life. Living my life to the fullest, with love for others and the determination to carry out my dreams without fear... that will be my biggest accomplishment in life.

So to write a conclusion to my ramblings, we'll see how things go this week. I am hopeful that there will not be anything and we can just enjoy the weekend. So here is to a very boring normal weekend.

I'll post the results probably Saturday when we get back to town from Seattle.