All Clear!

Results came back as a clean scan, so all clear. Needless to say, we were very happy with the results. So I'll go back in another 6 months for another scan. Keep your fingers crossed :)

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers coming our way- they are greatly appreciated.

First Scan

I wanted to update everyone on things since I have not posted in a while. Overall I am feeling well. I have a lot of energy and strength back, although I wouldn't say I'm 100% yet. I have ran 3 miles

at 8:00 mile pace several times now, so I am happy about that. For a long time, that 3 miles was this glass ceiling that I couldn't seem to break. The problem was I never even tried. I was scared to try as the 3 miles was a goal to see where things were for me physically, and if i couldn't run it then that would mean I was not there physically and I was scared of that. One day I did it, and it was a lot easier than i thought it would be. The physical recovery has been going pretty well; however, this stupid cancer thing goes well beyond the physical.

I have my first scan at the end of the week, just two week shys of being diagnosed last year. I have a CT scan then a meeting with the Dr afterwards. For the kind of cancer I had, the CT scan is the best way to know what's going on. There are no blood test and marker levels to look for, its just if something pops on a scan. To say the least, it is a nerve wracking issue. Im scared, nervous, anxious, etc about the whole thing. I try not to give it much energy, but it is there. When it comes in, I acknowledge it and then let it go. It can be overwhelming at times.Especially  this week, it has been more nerve wracking than ususal. I hear these check up scans are supposed to get easier- I hope so. One inmportant thing I need to keep in mind though, is that the initial scan may be inconclusive. With all the scar tissue that occurred from the surgery and the drains, it may not show anything conclusive, and we wait and see what the next scan says. So it goes. 

I liked this quote from an article I read:

I think I will always be cautious, perhaps paranoid, of my future health. It's part of the baggage of surviving cancer, especially one with a high relapse rate. But I'm finally feeling strong enough to start living not just in spite of all that has happened, but because of all that has happened. I will be more than what happened to me this past year. Surviving cancer is not going to be my biggest accomplishment in life. Living my life to the fullest, with love for others and the determination to carry out my dreams without fear... that will be my biggest accomplishment in life.

So to write a conclusion to my ramblings, we'll see how things go this week. I am hopeful that there will not be anything and we can just enjoy the weekend. So here is to a very boring normal weekend.

I'll post the results probably Saturday when we get back to town from Seattle.

Update

I realize I have not had an update in quite a while, so I thought I would throw this up there. Overall I am feeling really well. I have ran up to two miles, and even gone on a four mile hike (gentle pace/elevation). I do not have the endurance that I used to have, but believe that is coming back little by little.

I have gained 15 lbs back, so I only have 5 more to go to get back to pre-surgery weight. Although I GREATLY appreciate all the food that has been provided, I am at a point where I no longer need the massive caloric intake. So as much as I have enjoyed the eating fest with the cupcakes, cookies, cobblers, candies (and that's just the foods that start with "c"), I am back to a regular diet and regular calories. So thank you VERY much for the wonderful food, but I've got it from here on out. Thank you!!

I also wanted to share a picture of the tumor itself taken during the surgery. It can be rather gruesome, so if you do not want to see it, you do not have to. For those that do want to see it, you can click on the link below and it will take you to the image of the tumor, which is the big ugly thing in the middle of the frame- I forget what the other two organs are near the tumor.

Click here for image

Feeling Good

Blog

It's been a while since I have updated the blog, laregley in part because I have been feeling pretty good and out and about doing other things in life. However, it is important to let you folks know these things, sorry for not getting to that.

I am feeling good, not 100% yet, but feeling good. In the past couple of weeks I have gone back to work part time, and that has been really good. Everyone at work has been super supportive and I am VERY thankful for that. It is good to get into a more regular routine and be part of the regular world again. 

I have been exercising, setting small goals and working my way through them. Over the weekend I ran a mile straight, so I was excited about that. I felt like I could keep running, but I do not want to push it, so I followed my limit I set and walked the rest of the way. 

I am coming along pretty well, making some good progress and I am very thankful for that. There is still a lot  of work to do. Physically I still need to make progress, and emotionally, I am still trying to grasp the situation and its convolutions. As I go through this cancer journey, and I am now post-treatment, one of the next "stops" along the way is how to deal with the fear of recurrence. It is that time during remission, being declared disease free, and the cancer coming back- or five years,  whichever comes first. Most recurrence happens within 5 years, so that is the magic number. 

The idea is to not have it come back.  Initially, I had a very positive attitude about this being a one-shot-deal, but somewhere along post-op I lost sight of that, as surgery had rocked my world so much. Now that I am getting my strength back, I am getting my positive attitude back. I see this as a one-shot-deal, and I am not allowing this fear of recurrence dominate my thoughts. 

Thanks for listening. 

Small wins

It has been a week since I have felt like I would not have to go back to the hospital. A whole week has passed feeling pretty good and not feeling like I may be going to the ER. This is wonderful. My energy levels are up the highest since surgery. My mobility is better and I am feeling pretty good. It's a small win, a minor step, but it is important to celebrate what is right with the world, and this week long benchmark is worth celebrating.

I feel like I am just waking up from a very long and deep sleep- I am not firing on all cylinders yet- it's like I haven't had my coffee yet :) I feel better, but I still have work to do. Now that the physical aspect is not so dominating, I can focus on other things. This has been a really nice change of pace, as there is so much out there beyond my body that I need/want to address. 

Today, I am lifted from "light duty"- this means I can now lift more than 10 lbs and exercise regularly. I have been very much looking forward to this day- another benchmark worth celebrating.

Drain Free

At this moment I am now drain free. This is a very nice feeling as I do not have to drag around any of the bags, do not have to do wound care/flushing/draining several times a day (thank you Stephanie!), and I feel like a new man without them. I do not feel 100% by any means, but feel so much better. The latest CT scan revealed a significant reduction in the fluid collection sites, below the threshold that they are concerned with, so I am drain free... for now. It's a matter of monitoring for signs of infection again and if anything pops, I will get a blood test and see where things stand- it's some more wait and see.

I wish I did not have this complication as it has been a setback, not only time wise, but psychologically for me. Oh well, it happened and I just need to move on and deal with the fallout. A few post back I talked about the "new norm" that I am working towards. In the meantime, there is a "transitive norm" that I have to deal with. Figuring out what is transitive and what is new is difficult, and only time will tell which one it is.

Thanks for listening,
Todd

Latest Upate

I went to the surgeon's office last Friday in Seattle to reassess the situation. The conclusion was to start pulling the drains and keep monitoring. They pulled the lowest drain (number 3) completely at the office, so I only came home with 2 drains- it is a nice start. On Sunday, Stephanie had to play surgeon (once again) and start the process of removing the first drain which is the one in my back. She has to back it out, about 3/4" each day until the whole thing is out. Thank you Stephanie for going above and beyond yet again.

Once the number 1 drain is out, we will start the same process for the number 2 drain and then I should be drain free in abut 7-10 days. In the meantime I just watch for signs of infection and take action as needed.